Today I was rejected. Something I had hope for. Something I had imagined would be perfect for me. Something I felt was an obvious and dare I say ordained next step, was actually gone in a moment of "No".  Declined. Refused. Dismissed. Rejected.

In the initial moments, I felt a range of emotions - including and besides the rejection itself. I felt crushing disappointment. I felt embarrassed because I put myself out there. I felt dread over unchanged circumstances. I felt shame over being inadequate. I felt doubt about my abilities. I felt uncertain about my future. I felt abandoned by God. I felt a condemnation, that I don't deserve good things. I felt a physical pain in my heart that directly spoke to my eyes and told them to cry. Cry an ugly cry. Cry the cry of a woman rejected. 

Rejection. Did you know that..."Rejection piggybacks on physical pain pathways in the brain. MRI studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain". Thank you Psychology Today but I actually did know that. Because I feel it! Rejection physically hurts.

The same article on rejection also explained:

• Tylenol reduces the emotional pain rejection elicits (how about Merlot?)

• Rejection served a vital function in our evolutionary past (you know, to condition us to please the tribe rather than risk being ostracized and therefore eaten by wild beasts)

• Rejection creates surges of anger and aggression (As in smashing the ex-boyfriend's picture frame and ripping the head off the stuffed animal he gave you)

• Rejection sends us on a mission to seek and destroy our self-esteem (why am I such a loser...no the lowest of losers)

• Rejection destabilizes our "Need to Belong." (I am utterly and completely alone in the world)

• Rejection does not respond to reason (Reason says: this rejection simply means something better is ahead! Rejected me says: Where's the Merlot? I have no tribe. I am alone and a loser and will never get out of here. Where's the Merlot?)

• Rejection temporarily lowers our IQ (and thus the explanation for every embarrassing rebound date and hair color change - wait until your smart again!)

So....in the first moments of experiencing this schizophrenic range of visceral thought and emotion, wrapped with a bow of chest constriction and ugly crying, something began to Envelope me. A Warmth akin to swallowing hot chocolate on a cold night, or wrapping up in a fuzzy blanket, or being held -- a Strong Steady Lingering Assuring Loving Embrace. It was Peace. It was the Peace Giver. It was the Prince of Peace. He was near. He knew. He understood rejection. 

In that moment, I spoke to Him. After all, He made me. He is making me. His love for me has proven to be real, extravagant, deep, unconditional, and not dependent on anything I do or don't do. I spoke to my Father and I said, "Lord." That's all I could even say but it meant so much on so many layers. My one word cry of "Lord" actually meant --- Where are you? Do you see me? Now what? What's going to happen to me? Why? Why not? When? 

Then I was reminded of a text I had received this morning from a forever friend. She said,  "Father wanted me to share this with you.....Proverbs 31:25 - "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." There was much more in that text from her (from Father) that had actually prepared my heart for the rejection my day would hold. I reread the words and I was Empowered!! Empowered with Truth and Love and Assurance and Peace and Excitement that transcends my circumstances. 

You see "no" is direction. Our Destiny is made up of steps in a journey that are the result of both closed doors and open doors. Accept and embrace the closed doors and rocky patches of life. Sometimes the crooked places are made straight and the rough places are made smooth. But often we are simply given hinds feet to navigate the narrow, precarious, dangerous, uncertain, rocky, slippery slopes of life. 

Rejected? Not at all. I am Accepted, Embraced, and Empowered!

Habakkuk 3:19 Amplified Bible (AMP)
The Lord God is my strength [my source of courage, my invincible army];
He has made my feet [steady and sure] like hinds’ feet
And makes me walk [forward with spiritual confidence] on my high places [of challenge and responsibility].