Memories for my journals and thoughts for today…

So the other day, I was on my way to meet part of my tribe (tribe=my girls that keep me real, sane, grounded, encouraged, accountable and prayed for) at a local coffee shop. I had dropped my daughters at church and pulled into a close by park on my way so that I could.........paint my toes.

Yes, that's what I said. I parked my car in a parking lot to paint my toes....(c'mon ladies you know you have either painted something on or shaved something off in some obscure place in order to be presentable) Moms have done some really unusual things sometimes to make life happen....amiright? And then we pray we have the same color shoes on, remembered each kid, signed the planners, and put the sandwiches in the lunch boxes and the box of tampons under the sink, rather than the other way around.

It was the first pretty afternoon we'd had and I was determined to wear flip-flops. Hooray for flip-flop weather. The problem was, I needed to make sure my toes were ready for their Spring debut with a coat of paint! As often happens with moms - everyone else got the time and attention to get ready, and I was left to grab my bottle of Sally Hansen Quick Dri (color Go Garnet) and paint my toes en route.

In the brief moment of awkwardly painting my toes in my car while trying to seem as if I wasn't, bittersweet moments and memories were suddenly forced upon me.

Not even halfway through one foot, I started watching a young mother with toddlers and an infant in tow, strolling toward the playground. She seemed exhausted and frazzled. The endless energy of her toddlers and perpetual need of the infant had far outlasted her that day...and every day. Did she even know what day it was? Days for a mother with young children aren't distinct but rather constant waves of responsibilities, tasks, and jobs… many of them payless, often thankless - and for us the definition of time changes. We are sustaining, nurturing, training, and shaping lives YES!  But these are broken down into the most menial increments that days and nights run together. 

This young mom was no doubt trying to get in every single moment of the first warm day of Spring. I am sure she also wanted to expend some toddler energy before:

Dinner time (the meal that she perhaps would not get to eat unless it was picking off what was left on everyone else's plate) then,

Bath time (where she would multi-task by using the water splashed all over the floor to "count" as a thorough mopping) then,

Bedtime (three stories, 25 questions, two drinks of water, a bottle, one last diaper change, three tries at the potty and a fresh pair of pull-ups).

I looked at her weary face. She was trying to smile and be enthusiastic as she said "that's great buddy!" for the thousandth time - but as her eyes glazed over, no doubt thinking about:

The laundry on the floor, the dishes in the sink, and the bills stacked in the mail basket; The other moms that “appear” to be more rested, have better-behaved kids, and happier marriages; The date night she longed for, conversations with grown-ups, and fresh highlights & a wax.

As I watched her and wondered, I found myself missing being exactly in her place. Don't blink young mom! He'll be shopping for engagement rings....she'll be applying for colleges tomorrow! The future sleep you lose will be over the fact they are driving on the interstate!

I felt real pain in my heart. My throat tightened and my eyes welled with tears. This season goes so quickly. And while I recall for myself, the things that were exhausting her, what I could feel now was this inexplicable delight and love in being a mom with little ones. The constant discovery and development of these little human beings to whom I am the center of their universe was an utter joy ( I am a baby in birth order and a #2 enneagram so so being the center of someone’s love universe is totally on brand).

In these brief moments, I recalled:

Bath times, nursing and sleep deprivation, And introducing new siblings.

The scooter club, playing in Mrs. McReynold's secret garden, our made-up game called Ed and Joey.

The first days of school, making our first teams & not making our first teams.

Papa driving the boys to look at Gamestop and taking the girls to JC Penney, playing at Deer Park. Hot Wheels sets and Polly Pocket, Thomas trains, and American Girl.

And on and on and on....beautiful priceless precious memories.

And at that moment,  as I finished my toes and got ready to drive away, I realized.....The best stage, the favorite season for me in being a mom, should always be NOW. In other words, I want to look back to every single stage and see that I embraced each moment with all that was within me and to be grateful we've made it.

Flash forward…

I have made it through driving, dermatologists, and dating.

And now I find myself in this amazing place of watching my “kids” set their own goals and dream dreams, learn about love and loss, plan their future, travel to new places, have doubts & questions, and experience disappointment & discovery. In other words, they’ve grown up on me. And this stage is also wonderful!

My babies have become these remarkable young adults with their own faith and views and politics and senses of humor. And do you know what? I really like them! They are pretty awesome! I am proud of the women and men they have become. The world is a better, healthier, happier, and more meaningful place because they are in it. And while I am profoundly grateful to be their mom, I am equally grateful to be their friend.

Those years ago, when I parked to paint my toes, I drove away with an assurance that the Lord has prepared and equipped me for every season. And there was an excitement about these next seasons that were less about my kids’ dependence on me and all about my dependence on HIM! 

Today I’m still excited and I can wait to see where He is taking me next ---- cause my toes are painted and I am ready!